Rejection Has No Power

Rejection Has No Power In his book Rejection Free: How to Choose Yourself First and Take Charge of Your Life by Confidently Asking for What You Want, Scott Allan says that one of the lies we inform ourselves about rejection is that it’s about us. Most typically, it’s not private at all. “You think it is you, when in fact, it is really the other particular person or the state of affairs that's driving their decisions on the time,” he writes. Fear of rejection drives us to ask for much less and settle for less. What if you may deâ€"sensitize your self to rejection? What should you could hear “no” and not feel pain or disgrace? What would you pursue if you didn’t worry failing? (Notice I didn’t use the trope “when you knew you couldn’t fail.” No one can know that. I’m speaking about understanding you may fail and attempting anyway.) Learning to fear “no” isn’t one thing we’re born with. If you’ve spent any time with a young baby, you’ll see single-minded persistence personi fied. Children aren’t afraid to ask for what they want, and a firm “no” doesn’t faze them. They’ll ask over and over until they wear you down or get despatched to their room. It’s solely after we study to really feel ashamed for asking that we cease asking. As I’m crafting this publish, I take into consideration the instances I’ve said or heard an grownup say “It never hurts to ask.” You’ve stated it earlier than as nicely. How do you are feeling whenever you say those phrases aloud? The times I’ve said them, I felt confident, buoyant. I knew I’d be OK, even if the answer was a flat no. I’d bob cheerfully on to the subsequent idea or the subsequent request. But some requests are fraught with fear and disgrace; I think it’s because they (in my mind) reflect on my basic value. Asking for a raise, asking for a networking assembly, interviewing for a job. These interactions feel different by some means, and rejection felt like a referendum on my worth as a human being. Scott Allan writes that we each have plenty of reasons for not asking for what we want. Here are some reasons we don’t ask, he writes: The only way to get past these fears is to follow getting rejected extra typically. Exposure is the treatment for worry. The first time you do something, it’s terrifying. The next time, merely scary. The fiftieth time you do it, it feels routine. Allan suggests that you just make an inventory of all of the stuff you’d like right now â€" massive and small. Help on a project. A discount on the couch you’re thinking about buying. An apology from your sister-in-legislation. Next Friday off. Allan writes that you just’ll should ask and be rejected often in your desensitization to take effect. “You won’t be cured by getting rejected as soon as, however by doing it constantly. It acts as a significant boost of confidence and pushes the facility of rejection right out the door.” Soon: A plan for getting rejected as usually as pos sible. Published by candacemoody Candace’s background includes Human Resources, recruiting, coaching and evaluation. She spent a number of years with a nationwide staffing company, serving employers on both coasts. Her writing on business, career and employment issues has appeared in the Florida Times Union, the Jacksonville Business Journal, the Atlanta Journal Constitution and 904 Magazine, as well as a number of national publications and web sites. Candace is usually quoted within the media on native labor market and employment points.